I woke up to a meringue sky…

you thought I was your forever girl

but something's awry

I can't see the future anymore

wiped the dreams from my eyes

----------------------

On a mercury dawn of fluid light, silver filled the almost morning. Seconds before  sunrise sparked on the hills I slipped in the door and you were waiting. Boots on and keys in hand, you were worried, and you were mad.

But it was an old trouble, something awry under a meringue sky.

Six Hours And Six Minutes Ago...

Graduation day:

Dreams are as easy as kites

keep chasing them

whatever you want to be and think and do,

that's you

This week I watched an intern folding pages in his notebook, then glance at people pushing out of the antique General Store.

Excuse me, he said.

They looked.

He paused.

Would you answer a question for me?

I added, we're from the Bee…

What advice would you give to graduating seniors? he asked.

I watched people's eyes search the sky, trace cracks in the ground, then squint at the intern who waited with his pencil touching an empty page.

I did not answer, but I thought: the world sparkles brightest after senior year, burning the last residues of childhood daydreams. Everything is smooth skin and tan lines. Girls glazed in Coppertone doze on the sand chewing gently on recent gossip. Or maybe not. Maybe there are time clocks and supervisors, flat tires and break-ups. Maybe there is rent due and work is scarce.

So, what's my advice? Dreams are as easy as kites … but they'll crash to the ground without us. Open your heart and bleed a little. Do something just to see if you can do it. Learn how to walk away smiling after failing terribly. Don't do what makes sense, do what makes you happy. That last one, that's a toughie, by the way. 

You Told Me This Was Crazy

I'll tie a ribbon in the storm

wild rain can't erase me

i never believed it was crazy

I'll tie a ribbon in the storm

so save a place for me

when you're somewhere else in love

and truth sits me down hard

save a place for me

If you remember me

remember you're not alone

when summer fades to snow

remember you're not alone 

A little was not enough

i'll save a place for you

a ribbon in the storm

even if you think it's crazy

----------------

I usually see her with Dave on Sunday afternoons.

I pour two vodka martinis with a splash. Make them dirty, they say, and they laugh. They split a burger and joke with a man sitting next to them, watching late spring sunlight fade. 

Maybe just a beer now, she'll say. Dave smiles because she smiles.

Me too, just a beer.

Once darkness seeps into the sky they say goodbye. Always on a Sunday.

She arrived amid happy hour on a Friday squeezing between waitresses carrying wings, and groups jostling extra chairs to a table. 

Her eyes shined.

She said, Dave died Wednesday.

I bought her a martini and sat with her while someone in the kitchen prepared a burger for a woman who would take it home and eat it alone.

We were divorced, but we lived together, she said.

I smiled.

We were married years ago, then Trevor was born, she said. When he was seven we divorced. Trevor is 20 now. We got back together when he was 14.

I had boyfriends, but I kept them in the closet. They would ask, when can we meet your son? But they never did.

I couldn't imagine what it would do to Dave, or to Trevor.

Dave, he was like gum on my shoe, she laughed.

Her order came out and she sipped her drink.

She said, he really liked you. So do I. He liked to come here and see you. 

---------------

A Couple Silly Dice In My Hand

Sound flew like razors from the big man

my heart's in ribbons

microphone buried in his grip

sweat and strain and beauty bloomed

the answer is here

somewhere in the crying blues

-------

Just A Guy

You died in the summer when my roses were blooming

a deep candy scent in the air

your obituary  in my stomach a stone

I put on pretty earrings but you forgot about me

I had perfume and a necklace

and waylaid hopes to make room for you

what a stupid thing to do

you forgot about me

maybe I didn't love you

but I didn't give up

even when your favorite fix was late to the party

and you rode your motorcycle home without me

--------------

Sometimes, I have to fill the wine glass and stop thinking about broken things.

Forget I Said A Word

sometimes you can't undo the done

can't take your wishes back

refold the roses, rewind summer's sun

sometimes it's done

I wait to hear a late train's clash

crying along night's inky tracks

shadows blowing away at dawn

breaking my fingers undoing the done

got no words for this kind of sad

stumbling along in love alone awhile

street corners wake up with banging doors

smashing car horns

my heart all undone

-------------------

Rain It All Away

On a rainy Tuesday in June

i cried 

I thought about leaving you

i thought about heartache 

i emptied my wine

watching summer flowers bloom like happiness

watching them die

on a rainy Tuesday I cried

don't you wanna be a happy guy

don't you wanna be whole

don't you wanna fly

skipping on the edge of summer

reaching past me and high

i'm scratching at your heart

a thundery storm

taking up so much room lots of room

on a rainy Tuesday in June

is it selfish is it wrong

to chase butterflies

and cry about leaving you?

--------------------

I need sleep, he says

I have made my life too hard, he says

try pills, try something, he says he says

but i don't care about me 

what about the people who want you, says he