We'll buy anything if we're standing in front of it. Really. When crap is crowding us out of our homes we'll have tag sales. As much as I love tag sales, I have enough junk of my own, unless you have something that I don't…

My April 11 horoscope reads, You're energetic enough to tackle almost anything right now, so get down to business with that one big project you have been putting off for far too long. You surprise everyone, including yourself!

So hopeful and vague and perfect for a nation filled with Wal*Mart shoppers…Just go in those doors. You can have almost anything right now, so get down to business. Surprise everyone, including yourself!

Only the imagination makes horoscopes come true. Read all of the horoscopes and pick the one you like best, then cast the spell by digging around in your treasure of hopes and ambition. What's in your heart? Success? Or LoveMoneyHappinessHealth?

Horoscopes are juggling with flaming blades, because often we bleed or burn when we see our wishes come true.

Look at this: In college all I wanted was for T. to stay with me. Sadly, I realized weeks later after T. had moved out, that reality is not waiting around for your dreams and prayers to come true. Reality is a new face for every occasion. Reality was me, and I was drunk and standing in a strange neighborhood tapping lightly at T's bedroom window after 2 am. No answer. I saw my sad, milky face reflecting back from a dark raised ranch window, and went home. Had he stayed with me I would have continued my daily pout, wondering why he would go off with friends or forget to tell me he would be out late. During a heavy snowstorm he was more than an hour late getting home. Even accounting for snowy Long Island roads, I didn't think a five-mile drive would have kept him so long. I called work. He is gone, they told me.

His small red sports car was in a ditch, I decided, so I went out looking. I eventually found his red car parked at a bar. He was just having a good time and didn't think of me. I understand now that this is the way things go when someone doesn't love you anymore. Did I really want him to stay with me?

At the bar J. unzipped his leather jacket and reached inside saying, I have something for you.

I said, It's not a small dog, is it?

The last time J. had something in his jacket, a small long-haired head and snout quivered and turned, looking at all the strange smiling faces staring back.

Yesterday he had a daffodil.

So, in summary, horoscopes are crap. Take the daffodils when you can get them.

Lily just flew through the doggy door and is growling at the night.