Monday, June 25, 2012

I woke up to a meringue sky…

you thought I was your forever girl
but something's awry

I can't see the future anymore
wiped the dreams from my eyes


On a mercury dawn of fluid light, silver filled the almost morning. Seconds before  sunrise sparked on the hills I slipped in the door and you were waiting. Boots on and keys in hand, you were worried, and you were mad.

But it was an old trouble, something awry under a meringue sky.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Six Hours And Six Minutes Ago...

Graduation day:

Dreams are as easy as kites
keep chasing them

whatever you want to be and think and do,
that's you

This week I watched an intern folding pages in his notebook, then glance at people pushing out of the antique General Store.
Excuse me, he said.
They looked.
He paused.
Would you answer a question for me?
I added, we're from the Bee…
What advice would you give to graduating seniors? he asked.
I watched people's eyes search the sky, trace cracks in the ground, then squint at the intern who waited with his pencil touching an empty page.

I did not answer, but I thought: the world sparkles brightest after senior year, burning the last residues of childhood daydreams. Everything is smooth skin and tan lines. Girls glazed in Coppertone doze on the sand chewing gently on recent gossip. Or maybe not. Maybe there are time clocks and supervisors, flat tires and break-ups. Maybe there is rent due and work is scarce.

So, what's my advice? Dreams are as easy as kites … but they'll crash to the ground without us. Open your heart and bleed a little. Do something just to see if you can do it. Learn how to walk away smiling after failing terribly. Don't do what makes sense, do what makes you happy. That last one, that's a toughie, by the way. 

Monday, June 18, 2012

You Told Me This Was Crazy

I'll tie a ribbon in the storm
wild rain can't erase me
i never believed it was crazy
I'll tie a ribbon in the storm

so save a place for me
when you're somewhere else in love
and truth sits me down hard
save a place for me

If you remember me
remember you're not alone
when summer fades to snow
remember you're not alone 

A little was not enough
i'll save a place for you
a ribbon in the storm
even if you think it's crazy


I usually see her with Dave on Sunday afternoons.
I pour two vodka martinis with a splash. Make them dirty, they say, and they laugh. They split a burger and joke with a man sitting next to them, watching late spring sunlight fade. 
Maybe just a beer now, she'll say. Dave smiles because she smiles.
Me too, just a beer.
Once darkness seeps into the sky they say goodbye. Always on a Sunday.

She arrived amid happy hour on a Friday squeezing between waitresses carrying wings, and groups jostling extra chairs to a table. 
Her eyes shined.
She said, Dave died Wednesday.
I bought her a martini and sat with her while someone in the kitchen prepared a burger for a woman who would take it home and eat it alone.

We were divorced, but we lived together, she said.
I smiled.
We were married years ago, then Trevor was born, she said. When he was seven we divorced. Trevor is 20 now. We got back together when he was 14.
I had boyfriends, but I kept them in the closet. They would ask, when can we meet your son? But they never did.

I couldn't imagine what it would do to Dave, or to Trevor.

Dave, he was like gum on my shoe, she laughed.
Her order came out and she sipped her drink.
She said, he really liked you. So do I. He liked to come here and see you. 


Tuesday, June 12, 2012

A Couple Silly Dice In My Hand

Sound flew like razors from the big man
my heart's in ribbons
microphone buried in his grip
sweat and strain and beauty bloomed
the answer is here
somewhere in the crying blues


Saturday, June 9, 2012

Just A Guy

You died in the summer when my roses were blooming
a deep candy scent in the air
your obituary  in my stomach a stone

I put on pretty earrings but you forgot about me
I had perfume and a necklace
and waylaid hopes to make room for you
what a stupid thing to do
you forgot about me

maybe I didn't love you
but I didn't give up
even when your favorite fix was late to the party
and you rode your motorcycle home without me


Sometimes, I have to fill the wine glass and stop thinking about broken things.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Forget I Said A Word

sometimes you can't undo the done
can't take your wishes back
refold the roses, rewind summer's sun
sometimes it's done

I wait to hear a late train's clash
crying along night's inky tracks
shadows blowing away at dawn
breaking my fingers undoing the done

got no words for this kind of sad
stumbling along in love alone awhile
street corners wake up with banging doors
smashing car horns
my heart all undone


Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Rain It All Away

On a rainy Tuesday in June
i cried 
I thought about leaving you

i thought about heartache 
i emptied my wine

watching summer flowers bloom like happiness
watching them die
on a rainy Tuesday I cried

don't you wanna be a happy guy
don't you wanna be whole
don't you wanna fly
skipping on the edge of summer
reaching past me and high

i'm scratching at your heart
a thundery storm
taking up so much room lots of room
on a rainy Tuesday in June

is it selfish is it wrong
to chase butterflies
and cry about leaving you?


I need sleep, he says
I have made my life too hard, he says
try pills, try something, he says he says
but i don't care about me 
what about the people who want you, says he