Sitting down Tuesday I see the messy tableau of a coffee cup markers notes and scraps and an instruction book all at rest where I left them scattered Saturday. Feeling like a layered image I am at once here now overlapping myself where I sat Saturday, shuffling the same junk around to make room to think about Lily.

What I see out here is the same as the tumbleweeds of thought stumbling around inside my skull. I go through moods the same way. When I was angry last time, all those characters were in there and waiting to rouse and dust off their dirty clothes and resume the argument. Same rants and gripes and worries, just as intense and unresolved as I had left them.

Good for me. But Lily is better. I can rush around my life skipping from one mood to the next like they're bus stops, but Lily is getting better.

Outside this morning before work she drags a chewed up stick and drops it near my feet. Looking down I see my own scrawny ankles surrounded by the gaping slippers that Jerry leaves by the chair. I am standing in two tan corduroy rowboats. Reminds me of the time my brother and I rowed out and somehow lost the oar locks. Heavy as hell they sunk fast and the wooden oars floated off. I got in the scary water with tree limbs hidden in the murky weeds waiting to snag and drown me. I jumped in the water filed with slithering monsters and kicked like a frog to push us back to the dock. Years later in a canoe I would step toward the shore and dump my date in the shallows. Oops. We drove toward home and saw the campfire across the lake. I knew my brother and his friends were there. I thought I could manage the canoe.

I thought I could manage standing outside in the early sunlight while Lily squatted somewhere, but when I dragged my hair out of my eyes I saw she was gone. I heard her over the hill, leaves rustling. Lily! Nothing.

Without panicking I ran inside and grabbed my hiking boots.

Hair up and boots on I ran into the forest and Lily was already headed back home. Wow! We were going to end up in the woods anyway. Hershey came with us and 20 minutes later I was home again and on the phone to work. Her food won't be ready for 20 minutes, I explain.

Mixing the enzymes and stashing her dish, I feed the other guys. Good morning Ozzy Hershey Bandit and cats I hate you, you rotten noisy smelly cats. Stop waking me UP!

It's warmer out now and with the windows open the cats jump up and down from the sill and meow meow MEOW.

After work we're back in the woods again with all of us this time. Bandit is tethered to me with his old leash. No more running off and making me frantic. I turn to look for Ozzy and he is gone. Sticks and snarling and Bandit tugging then Hershey running into me from behind we eventually get back home.

Is Ozzy with you? Yes, Jerry says.

Back to the paths and stones and shadow of a hawk rippling across craggy earth. Lily Lily Lily likes to flop on her side, twist onto her back with her legs sticking out and look up at you with giant white teeth and her tongue out.

Thank you mom and dad and aunt for contributing to the Lily Fund.