A soggy, 40 pound burlap wrapped root ball with a Spruce on top is now wedged beside the fireplace. With a lot of Come Ons! and Get Down Heres we managed to get a few ornaments into Erica's hands and stick them on the tree.

From me to Jerry annually: not so many lights!

Every strand of light we have lands on the tree, creating a universe of Christmases in our living room. A string of gaudy Santa heads grin like fools from prickly limbs alongside stockings and high-heeled legs -- replicas of the Oh My God That's Ugly decorative lamp featured in a movie. Well, there is Santa staring at a fishnet for a few weeks again this year.

I had snuck that leggy strand into the bedroom and draped the leg lights across our dresser. But by the time I returned Christmas boxes to the basement and wound my way back up the stairs, Jerry was near the tree and hiding something behind his back. I saw a miniature plastic leg and black stiletto poking out...