A glance outside the window and I watch the sky fall flake by flake. Inside are rose shadows thrown across the tabletop by an outside light. Thank you Jerry for my roses and for caring enough to do something so nice when I am so exasperating. Lily and I go out and with our footprints we stamp a path across the back yard.

I wanted to call my regular vet today and start bringing her there. Go in with a fresh, positive attitude, my father tells me on the phone. That mood was at first real, then fabricated, then just too hard to hold up. It had turned into a boulder and made my shoulders ache. So I dropped it. Let all the chipper happy people run around with positive attitudes like little pink perky slippers. Oh so cute.

On the phone with my vet a secretary tells me, the doctor will be away until Wednesday.

Oh, OK, never mind, I say.

Is it urgent?

Well, I admit to her that I had been hoping for sooner than Wednesday.

I think, NOW.

She tells me, visiting Dr (who?) is here tomorrow and (who ?) is here today…

Well, thank you anyway.

I woke up to Lily’s barking at 5 am. Half asleep and standing on the spiral stairs with her I sooth and pet and sooth and grope for the door handle. I have dwindling minutes left to sleep. Eyes closed and in bed again I hear the cats outside. They stare in from the window a few feet away I hate them.

I will take Lily in for another vet’s assessment. Now I am worried.

Snow.

We watch Lily and she has been very calm. I had fed her how long ago, two hours? Jerry answers: Wow, she’s cured.

I am too tired to write. No words are in the cookie jar today. Just crumbs. Please please please let me sleep tonight. Maybe the morning will be snow and another chance to leave impressions step by step everywhere I go.