A dream and a sensation: I am asleep and dreaming but I know I am struggling or suffocating falling landing with a bounce on the bed or tripping over something I probably need.

The placid flat sea rises to meet the shore and form a perfect seam underfoot.

No sound or voices, just the lulling perfect warmth of salt water that washes my skin away from my bones . Sound is gone and I step from the beach to the sea and drift in glassy water. I see you on the shore but I don't know who you are. You're there and I am gently rocking and bobbing and you are far away. You don't know I am there, and I suspect you are another dreamer adrift on your own.

I scramble for the bottom. Nothing. I splash and swipe my arms through the water that is now thick like Jello. Waves. I fight to get closer to the shore and to you and to yell. No sound. No response from you. I wake up without knowing if I ever reached safety.

My lucid self knows of no assurances here either for safety or anything else.

Will I be happy? I guess I have to manufacture that on my own too. People who think happy is a frame of mind and a decision are happy people. Guess they never decided to be unhappy one day, just to bum around with the rest of us. Bastards.

Six more months with Lily girly, and where will we be? In that time I can call the trainer again and ask how to prevent her from lunging at cars, and I can learn how to teach her to come back so I am not running through the woods without a clue, yelling Lily! LILY! Will she be happy? Will I? I know with certainty that she needs a job. She needs a place to focus her attention and inquisitive eyes. She needs to use her head and take instruction and satisfy both of us by learning and doing. Where the hell do I find that?

Gotta make time first. Then I have to gently coax it into something longer and more elastic, where my patience pins down fury and aggravation and the immediate and frequent desire to lose my temper, yell, and get NOWHERE.

Lily the guide dog. Lily the search and rescue girl. Lily the drug sniffer. Lily the companion. Any other thoughts?