Monday, August 16, 2010

Sadly, reality only stretches as far as I look. Can I see anything beyond that? Not tonight.


Earlier as a leash wrapped around my left hand and Lily tugged me along, my head was in a better place somewhere far outside my skull wandering and dreaming as it played with facts and problems like a toddler, plump legs out, turning a building block over and over, then reaching for something else.


I have just stopped daydreaming, I tell Jerry.


Not too happy here. Too many emotions and frustrations in my head to let natural feelings flow. I am still tripping on this other crap.


Not a great night for either of us, thanks again to me.


The dogs hear the moods quickly and find corners to hide. Lily is downstairs beneath the computer desk.


I get on the Internet and look at a friend's little, flourishing LLC that she advertises. She is happy and as far as life goes, she is really pulling it off. I was sitting in the rocking chair an hour ago, thanking God and magic and Mother Nature for making Jerry a tolerant guy. I am not pulling it off at all. I yank and tug myself through each day only because it's what I did yesterday, and nothing new crossed my mind this morning.


Lily runs inside from the dog pen and jumps on me. Her front paws swipe crumbly soil and mud from my shoulders to my hips, and it smells.


Today I want to choke half the people I meet. Compassion is taking a little nap, but the people waiting for their damn coffees bagels iced teas and lights to turn green are oblivious.

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