I try really hard not to kick, scream, or insult the things I love, but sometimes I am angry.

Rather than kick, scream, or sharpen blunt words into spears, I break things. If I can't break things, I have a little snag.

If a plate or glass or anything in my hand suddenly looks better and sounds better flying out the open door and smashing on the patio, it goes. If one plate doesn't do it, I march to the cabinet and grab another one.

On other days my mood shrivels -- a worm in the sun. I do what I call Shut Down. It's involuntary and unpredictable.

Today the black mood came from nowhere -- well, I suspect that a succession of Things That Weigh Me Down added up. Jerry and I drove to visit my parents and somewhere between the parked truck and the front door I lost something essential -- It just closed its eyes and refused to be any help at all.

Inside and greeting my family and our friends, I discovered that Miss Monosyllable was going to do the talking.

Kendra, did you work last night? Debbie asked me.

Mmm.

You did?

A few hours.

Oh, you were able to close early! How nice!

Well...

Rather than make small talk, I looked for something to do. I made coffee. I was fine while filing the pot with water, but when mom came to drop things in the sink, she was too close. I put the pot down and moved away.

Filters? I saw them on the counter before I had to ask, but I needed help with the coffee.

Mom, where is the coffee?

It's in the fridge, she said, walking toward me.

I got it! I said. Don't get it for me. I feel claustrophobic. Just tell me…

I needed to leave.

Apologizing to everyone, I said, I am sorry, I am just not able to be around anyone today.

At home Jerry found a creepy movie on TV. By the time it ended I was fine.

These moods make no more sense than hiccups.