JANUARY 12
I get home to a clean basement floor. It appears that Lily didn't have diarrhea today, although I've seen her eat it.
Outside the thermometer yesterday said zero. Nothing, not a shred of warmth, but today we have 20 degrees. Twenty more than we had yesterday and I decide to go with Lily into the woods scaring off the trolls and nymphs that make noises in the dark and leave behind goosebumps that burst at the sight of shadows and dark places.
Early. I smell coffee perking while Jerry showers and I grab for a leash.
Lily and I swerve beneath fallen saplings and stretch over rocks and I trip on snowy ground with dips and spikes not quite clear yet. Another half hour and I'll have enough light to see the uneven path tricking my feet.
We dash around, toss a stick, and Lily's ears sit on top of her head -- linen napkins like tepees side by side.
Back home Jerry balances coffee on his lap, sips, and keeps his legs warm beneath a blanket.
I am going down to take a shower, I tell him.
I am going to work, he answers.
OK, I'll wait.
Why?
The dogs, I don't want to leave the dogs alone so I'll wait.
Go take a shower, he says.
NO! I can't leave them alone I need to know one of us is watching what if something happens I am nervous about Bandit I don't want any more fights I'll WAIT.
Forget it. He tosses the blanket from his lap and finishes getting dressed for work.
Slam. His coffee splashes from the mug I gave him for Christmas as he bangs it on the table, unfinished.
My mother comes to take Lily out or to be her friend or pet her and spend time talking softly to her and rubbing her belly and just being a friend to a lonely dog left alone in the basement. Despite the big sunny windows and doggy door to the outside and as many of my books as she wants to chew, Lily sits on her rug and waits.
I feel I should be with her to feed her and hug her and look at her when she lifts her head, looking looking looking for something familiar.
Meetings after work and I am not home until 9 pm.
I fed her, Jerry tells me. You're right, I think that 20 minutes after she eats, it's that same food pouring out.
I guess she was busy again decorating the snow outside.
I wonder if her pills are even getting into her system.
Thank you mom, thank you Cindy, thank you Kara, thank you Jerry, thank you to everyone who helps, visits, sends advice, and to those who have to live in the same house as me.
I'll ask the vet to do X-rays. Why wait. Almost three weeks and not a single extra pound to pad her ribs.